So, once again that time of the year has rolled around when people wander back down the road to home and family, whether it be short or long, and indulge in the pleasures of the holidays. I myself am departing on a flight on thursday, and am using tomorrow to pack and clean and otherwise run around like a kid on caffiene trying to get organized. The college is eerily quiet now, the parking lot behind my house empty, with only the bare spots of pavement among the crusty old snow as evidence that there were ever any vehicles there. The guys all left for home today, and most of my roomates are already gone. I've got a lonely string of white LED Christmas lights strung around my window...the full extent of my festiveness is expressed through those pale glowing bulbs. Thinking about it, I am looking forward to the trip home...spending some time in Vancouver with the Father, then tripping up to Hun for some festivities with family there. As much as I enjoy the life here, every so often its good to get away.
However, the more I think about the holidays, and how they represent a time to come closer with family and friends, I cant help but be somewhat saddened by it all. Not because of those who I'm to be spending my time with, no, I look forward to that time and those people. Its those who, during this time of so called "love and joy", are missing a major piece of that family that is so important.....and have been left with a void that could never be filled, even with all the love and joy in the world. This has been brought so close to home for me recently, as one of my best friends just lost his older brother in a tradgic car accident. Being an only child, the loss of a sibling is unfathomable to me, and I feel so helpless in consolation. I have no words that can comfort a hurt that immense, no insight or wisdoms to convey that can ease the passing of such a grief. I can only listen to the tears on the other end of the phone line, and hope that the sound of a freinds voice is enough, that somehow I can throw a lifeline into that sea of loss. I tell myself there isnt anything more I could hope to do, but somehow the helplessness is still overwhelming, and I wish there was a way to ease the pain. I almost feel guilty....my family may be broken, but that does not mean it has lost any pieces, and I pray it stays that way. People say grief is normal, a process we all experience. I agree, I suppose, but I do not believe a grief so immense is natural by any means. No one should have to experience something so devastating, and it is painful to watch it strike down one of my close friends.
At a time when were all kicking back and enjoying the smell of pine trees, the taste of turkey, the lights in the trees, and the contentment that only human companionship can bring, I hope everyone takes a good look around, and appreciates how bloody lucky they really are. I know for me, there will be a spot in my heart and a place in my thoughts for a friend who deserves tidings of comfort and joy more than anyone I know.
CLo, this goes out to you.
